Life Trekking

So yesterday I crashed. For those who have been through Chemotherapy you know what a ‘crash day’ is for those who don’t let me explain. A ‘crash day’ is when you are so weak you have trouble walking, making coherent sentences, completing a thought, and you completely lose control of your emotions. It’s a day when you can’t sleep but you’re too tired to keep your eyes open. A day when you can either be starving and eat continuously or have no appetite at all. During these days your short term memory is null and void even if you write things down you forget them. People talk to you and you watch their lips move so you can try and follow their conversations but it doesn’t always help and there are long awkward moments where you are not responding just staring at them as you try and processing their words. Imagine you are an artist and you are about to paint a beautiful landscape. You are talking to someone, carrying on a conversation as you set up your easel, pick up a thin de...

Last Thursday I met two wonderful caring ladies at the Cancer Support Group here in Gloucester. This is a new group starting up on this side of the 'rivah'. I went to check it out and it was actually fun. It was nice to sit down and chat with people who know what I am going through. These are professional women who are qualified to give advise and are more than willing to offer useful tips and other help. I encourage all those who read this blog and have been or are going through cancer treatments to come to our next meeting on June 20th at 6:30 p.m. at the Riverside Cancer Center in Gloucester. Come out and meet some new friends in a relaxed atmosphere; stay for a cup of coffee and conversation. When you are facing such a huge sickness as cancer it is good to surround yourself with people who are for you to win the battle - these ladies are those people.

This week has been a week of testing. Mammogram, C Scan, PET scan, blood tests, you name it I have done it. The last scan involved the nurse shooting into my veins what I can only assume was radioactive material (from the warning signs on the lead container it was in). Not painful but tiresome. But God is good and everything says negative for cancer. I did have a scare though. It seems the blood test showed a marker that could have been from a tumor, thus the need for the PET scan. When the doctor told me I was so tired and weak, I couldn't even pray. I have a stubborn streak that gives me bravo and makes me seem braver than I am – refusing to bow to pain or sickness. But that day I had nothing. It's during these times that I call upon my brothers and sisters in the Lord to strengthen me and lift me in prayer. One quick call to my Pastor and a few minutes of strong intercession and I was OK, ready to face what came next. Thankfully the 'next' was no cancer - ...

Well it’s finally over! The chemo treatments are done now all I need to do is recuperate and gain my strength back (easier said than done). I appreciate so much all the prayers people have been praying for me and I wish I could give each one of them a hug. Now that I have a better understanding of what it’s like to go through a major health crises I prayer I can draw on this experience to help someone else as they go through it. There is a scripture verse that says, “All things work together for the good of them that love God and are called according to His purpose.” So the conclusion is that God will use this time of suffering that I have been through to bless me and to further His kingdom work. Did He give me cancer to teach me a lesson? Of course not, would you give your children cancer? No, then neither would my Father God. Did He let me suffer because I needed to learn something or he was punishing me? Same answer. Cancer and sickness are part of this world, we live in th...

Treatment number 5 has come and gone only one more to go. It seems the more treatments you have the longer it takes to recover and feel normal again. I am keeping my eye on the target – the first Friday in April is the last treatment. I am planning out my summer to recoup and regain my strength. If we can just get this weather to cooperate! My scripture reading this morning included the following: “For I am persuaded beyond doubt that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation [including cancer] will separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 This is my strength and this brings peace to my heart knowing God’s love for me. Cancer can never beat me because I know whose I am and where I am going. My prayer is that everyone who reads my blog will experience this peace too.

So I’m looking for a valentines card for my husband and first I check out the mushy ones, which are quickly rejected (I prefer humor), then I read one about how couples begin to look alike, and think, true but I don’t want to go there, so finally I settle on one that cracks me up. On the outside it says, “You know when you ask me if I’m mad, and I say “No”. And then an hour later you ask me if I want a soda and I say, “Why the hell would I want a soda?”… (open to inside) That’s fun! Happy Valentine’s Day.” With the way my hormones go bonkers these days my poor sweet husband has to put up with a lot. His reward in heaven will be great! So on Valentine’s Day we give each other chocolates and I give him my card and we have a good laugh. Then as both of us are gathered at the coffee maker filling our mugs I have this thought: If anyone looks through the window right now we look so much alike (both in thick long robes, our mugs in tow, almost bald) that they would mistake us for a...

Each time you go in for a chemo treatment the receptionist hands you a list of questions for you to check off. The list is two or three columns front and back and asks you to check off every symptom that you have experienced since the last treatment. Its amazing how many different side effects you could have experienced. The further along I go in this treatment that is suppose to cure me the more side effects I experience and the longer they last. Its fascinating and at the same time horrifying. The thing I try to keep in mind is that they are temporary. By the time I get to the next appointment, the side effects are gone and I feel great. However, when you spend 3 days on the couch because your too emotional to deal with the real world and move from hysterical crying to screaming in anger you wonder what in the world is going on. Oh yeah, its just side effects! The verse I try to keep in mind is this: (Amplified) Hab 3:19 "The Lord God is my strength , my personal brav...

Today is my 3rd chemo treatment. I don’t want to go but know I have to. The treatment itself is not too unpleasant, there’s no pain, but it can be boring sitting there all day as they pour chemicals into your veins. The nurses are a delight as they try to cheer you up and wait on you hand and foot. They explain each step repeating the same words every week about how each chemical will affect you but I don’t mind. My hope is not in the chemicals it’s in the Lord and His Word. I Peter 2:24 “Who His own self bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness; by His stripes you were healed.” Isaiah 53:5 “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed.” I look forward to the complete healing that Christ provides in His Word and will be mine! I wait patiently, enduring the treatments, the doctors, the nurses, the medicin...

I told the nurse at the cancer center where I am receiving chemotherapy treatments that when I lay my head on the pillow at night my hair hurts. She said that was normal because the hair follicles were dying. When I first started this process, the first question I asked was, “Will I lose my hair.” I was hoping there was some statistics that would be encouraging, maybe not everyone loses their hair, but no they simple said, “Yes, you will lose your hair.” Then when I asked how soon this will occur they said within one week of the first treatment. However, after two weeks I thought I had beaten the odds. I had already prepared for the worst by cutting my hair to match the wig I bought. Then I woke one morning to a pillow full of hair and realized it was happening. God makes a statement that seems like a promise in Matthew 10:30 it says, “The very hairs of your head are numbered.” When you are going through the loss of your hair this statement brings hope and joy knowing that y...

You have to have a sense of humor when you are battling sickness. Last night my husband got up from bed for a snack and since I was having trouble sleeping I told him to reach in the apple cookie jar where I keep all my medicines and bring me a sleeping pill from the bag marked "for sleep.". A few minutes later he comes back to the bedroom carrying an apple and asks, "You wanted an apple?" "No honey," said I trying not to laugh, "In the apple cookie jar bring the bag that says "for sleep". A few minutes later he comes back with the cookie jar, "It's not in here." So I look and he is right, its not in there. So I gave up and laid down trying to figure out where I put that bag. A few minutes later he comes back with the bag having found it in the lid of the cookie jar. That's when I remember the cookie is so full of meds, I had to hide some in the lid in order to close the jar. Funny stuff.